This is what they told me.
Keep it in your pants
That was the “purity” speech given to a group of young boys as we sat in a class about becoming men.
The group of boys I grew up with all watched in one way or another porn. We discussed it, we read magazines , and watched it.
Once I started going to church I heard how God has designed sex and what He requires for singles. Purity, abstinence and refraining from sexual immorality.
However what I never heard was practical ways to overcome such issues. Let’s be honest the culture in which we live uses Sex to sell everything. I mean I watch a commercial about Klondike bars and you will see sexual suggestions. Commercials about hamburgers or clothes are filled with the idea of sex.
Young boys are finding themselves seeing things they aren’t even prepared to grasp in terms of sexual intimacy.
AND THE RESPONSE?
It is unfortunate but most (not all) just blame men for being caught in this struggle. Wives who get hurt, or single girls who are disgusted just look at men as animals. Have we ever considered not all men are looking to hurt spouses, or leave emotional scares for someone to deal with years later by engaging in Porn. (OR that fact that women struggle with this as well BUT that is a topic for a later time). This has turned into as much of an addiction as anything else. In fact it may be worst in some ways because there is a business that profits big bucks off of removing the idea of sexual intimacy in marriage.
I have seen several blogs where people (often ladies) are very generic and harsh towards men. While I understand their heart/intent this seems a bit unfair. If we are talking about a behavior that for some men started before they were teens then removing years of images and actions is far more complexed. I believe that this is a job for the entire family. Now I know that not all grow up with a mom and dad but in the church we need men and women who then can step into these roles for young people.
Fathers – Show your children that you love your wife. More times than not children can easily pick up on the fights and the sarcastic words. Over the last 10 years as I have worked with young children I can count on two hands how many times they mentioned daddy loves mommy because some action they saw. If you really want to impact young men, demonstrate manhood. This doesn’t mean you have to be perfect but you have to show you are committed to being a Godly man. The church can jump into this by taking young men and mentoring them. Instead of just showing up to sporting events or going hunting we need to help them understand that their bodies are just a precious as a young ladies since they too have been created by God for HIS purpose.
Mothers – This is a challenging one. Ladies please find the spirit in which I say this. To many times children see a mother who will give her all for them but hates the way she looks. Moms put themselves on the back burner to which young men pick up on. They will see that certain women care about appearance and seem confident. While mom at home struggles with self-esteem and being validated. Now I am not NO WAY blaming mothers as I understand (same with fathers) this is a terrible cycle that people get caught in. There needs to be a point in which we work hard to break the cycle so we do not pass on the harsh insecurities we have dealt with. While women in the church spend time talking to other ladies about remaining pure (some don’t even do that), they fail to model/validate the same biblical advice in the lives of young men that they daily interact with.
Young Men – At the end of the day this is your fight. No matter what you have seen those that submit themselves to God’s authority are called to a higher standard. Easier said the done I know. However you cannot fight this fight for anyone else. You can’t resist porn for your future wife or even if you are married for your wife. Because when the person you are trying to change for lets you down you will revert back to past hurtful actions. Instead you must realize your worth in God, realize He desires for you to remain distant from sexual intimacy until the right time in which it was designed. Like anything else God has created there is a purpose and plan. If we go outside of that then we struggle with the consequences. Men must be willing to define their manhood according to God’s standards instead of the culture. You can say no to peer-pressure. For this you need to seek out a great support system in other like-minded people so you don’t have to fight this alone.
Young Ladies – My lovely sisters. You are wonderfully made by God and yet so many allow someone else’s standard to dictate how you dress, act and relate to both men and women. It is hard to be strong in today’s culture but relying on God’s word and the wisdom of seasoned women will go a long way. My wife says, that it is imperative to find other Godly women to pour into you. In a society where women tear down other women you should be uplifting one another.
They used to say it takes a community to raise a child. This is still true. However instead of a community intentionally trying to raise the young ones we allow the culture, to shape and mold their minds, beliefs and values.
This does not have to define you. This is a battle that can be overcome.