When I was younger I used to hear people say “Don’t point your fingers at people. When you point your finger at someone you have three others pointing back at you!”
I don’t think that ever did a single thing for me when I was little BUT I understand where they were coming from… I think.
However the point of this blog isn’t to talk about my fingers. No in fact it is to address those (including myself at times) who point fingers in a certain manner.
Let me explain……
There are times in which fingers (blame) need to be pointed out. In fact in order to help people become better one must know where they are in error. How can you fix things if you don’t know what’s broken.
BUT this past week someone contacted me who decided they wanted to point every finger that they had… AND it hurt. I mean I know I’m not a perfect person, in fact I am FAR from it. BUT let me tell you I felt low.
My character was attacked, my poor choices were exposed, and my past relived. NOW if you don’t know, I typically struggle with my past anyway. I mean as a Christian I have made some TERRIBLE choice. The truth is I am human just like everyone else and I make selfish decisions from time to time. Nonetheless this does not exclude my behavior.
So I received a lashing and a flood of terrible memories. I was feeling very low and worthless. Have you ever felt like that? Maybe someone brought back up a part of your past that really rocked you… How did you/ do you deal? I know some people who will YELL back, maybe even get defensive. Other my try to expose the other person. It is quite common that when we are hurt we want to hurt others, or at least the person who hurt us.
For me, I really try not to let my emotion’s drive me to hurt someone. It just breeds more pain… So what have I done upon receiving this assault on who I am.. WELL
In fact over the last month I have been COMPLETELY honest with my wife on my personal struggles and flaws so I don’t feel like I am hiding from her. In reality it was so I would stop hiding from myself. It was tough. It was scary but it was necessary. I needed her and STILL need her to be aware of where I am weakest.
The next thing I did was turn to what is my strength. I began to search the scriptures for my security. It is there I found love, forgiveness and restoration. In fact it is there I found acceptance and the ability to move forward. Most people hold on to hurt and pain, where God desires to take our burdens if we trust in Him.
1 John 1:9 states
“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
I truly believe that if I acknowledge/confess my sins before God, He will forgive me. See the problem is that we don’t forgive people like that so we think God should forgive us like that (or at least that is how I feel at times). The awesome thing is that God and His ways are BIGGER than ours. In fact once we truly open our heart to trusting Him he completely changes our lives.
After I have confessed, and regained some mental ground, I can now start walking toward the way I am called. It pains me for this person to bring up hurtful memories because of the journey I am on but not because I feel ashamed (initially yes). Rather it tells me they are still stuck in that time of life, or that they are so hurt they can’t do anything else but hurt others. I feel terrible for them. For the hurt I caused them. I wish/pray they could find strength in God and move forward but not everyone embraces that reality.
I am sorry for hurting anyone that I may have in the past. Over the last several years I have made some awesome choices with the help of God and then I have made some really BAD ones from the pit of my own selfish desires. I am truly sorry. However I cannot live there. I cannot live in that moment because they don’t define who I am.
I am forgiven, cleansed, redeemed and being made new everyday……
Are you living in the filth of your past or are you being renewed everyday?